


The unauthorized biography of Oikawa Tooru

by EarlGreyTea (TheMadTeaLover)



Category: Haikyuu!!, The Mad Ones - Lowdermilk & Kerrigan
Genre: Absolute Pain, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, I"m sorry, M/M, Pain, iwaoi - Freeform, ok hinata is only mentioned, this is how i cope
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25400029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMadTeaLover/pseuds/EarlGreyTea
Summary: Oikawa and Iwaizumi were inseparable from birth. Having grown up alongside each other and being there for the big moments, they could never imagine a future without each other in it.So, what happens when the unthinkable happens?In a world where Oikawa has to learn to live without Iwaizumi, he is haunted by the ghosts of his grief. As he passively takes a road trip down his memory lane, he is confronted with the need to take charge of his narrative. Watch as Oikawa takes the wheel on a journey of acceptance, in letting go and moving on.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 5





	The unauthorized biography of Oikawa Tooru

_If we're gonna go, we gotta go tonight._

Oikawa used to make a big deal of his birthday- or what his high school friends would remember as Oikawa’s birth week extravaganza. However, the past two years were chillingly uneventful. 

“Come on, get some drinks with us. It’s on us, birthday boy,” Hanamaki called out from the locker room. Oikawa grunted in response as he slammed another ball into the ground. Practising spiking- that was his excuse. But everyone knew that was hardly the reason.

The stagnant silence of the chilly night was punctuated by the thundering claps of Oikawa’s hits. Hanamaki threw a glance to his partner, Matsukawa, who also wore a pained expression on his face: brows furrowed, lips thinned. The latter opened his mouth, wanting to break the silence, but it was as if the silence had engulfed him in a voiceless void- rendering him incapable of speech. He turned to look at Oikawa, now panting but still had an unrelenting intensity burning in his eyes. 

As he wiped off the streaks of sweat on his forehead with the back of his arm, Oikawa scooped up a lone ball at the edge of the net. He walked towards the sides of the court and readied himself for his signature jump serve. A breath out and into the sky, he leapt. What followed was the majestic roar of the ball crashing into the wooden floors - just merely staying within the boundaries of the court. 

“Whew, that’s a beaut!” whistled Hanamaki. Oikawa didn’t respond. 

“You know, that deafening serve kinda reminded me of your 20th birth week bash. Oh god, remember that huge thunderstorm! We were just stuck in a tiny chalet by the beach, surrounded by mountains of empty beer cans. Then, one particularly loud thunder boomed and you just- hold on, I can’t stop laughing- DOVE STRAIGHT INTO THE BEER CANS, SCREAMING ‘YOU DON’T SCARE ME, THUNDER GODS!’ Oh boy, that was a flippin amazing weekend in Miramar.” Hanamaki doubled over, wiping a joyful tear from the corner of his eyes as he recounted the tales of their spirited 20s.

This was met once again with silence. But Hanamaki caught a glimpse of Oikawa’s momentary smirk- so he’d count that as a victory. 

“You sure you don’t want a ride home?” Matsukawa offered, sensing a slight ease in tension in the room. 

“Nah, I’m used to walking. Thanks,” Oikawa heaved.

The duo knew when to stop pushing; turning to each other, they shrugged in a despondent unison. 

“If you say so. Happy 26th, Oikawa!” 

+++

_He was..._

It wasn't like he wanted to be alone on his birthday. He just didn't want to be around people. He was plagued by the ultimate inescapable paradox. But the decision was already made for him, as he listened for the fading footsteps of his friends. 

Oikawa grimaced, biting his bottom lip in frustration. He took all of the confusion and rage he felt and channelled it into his next serve. A ferocious one at that. His hands stung upon impact but the pain was good. The pain reminded him that he was still alive. The pain was real. 

After what felt like an eternity of repetitive drills, a dryness crept into his throat. He shuffled towards the benches where his bottle was. It was his favourite- embellished prominently with rhinestones was an alien throwing a peace sign which said in all caps, “HYDRATE BITCH!”. Many of his friends had called it tacky or an abomination to the human eye but he still brought it to competitions anyways, as a good luck charm from his best friend. He grabbed the bottle and sat down at the foot of the bench. 

A dull aching feeling crept into his right knee as he took his break. He hadn’t noticed it before while practising. If Iwaizumi were there right now, he’d be chiding Oikawa for over-working himself yet again. But he wasn’t there. So, Oikawa massaged his sore spots, readjusted his white knee brace, stood up and headed towards the net.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Oikawa whipped his head back to the benches- where he thought the familiar voice had come from- but there was no one there. Of course, why would there be? Hanamaki and Matsukawa left more than half an hour ago. It was just him in the gym. Oikawa was alone. Scratching his head in confusion, he turned back to the nets. There he saw a vague figure at the doorway, arms crossed like a parent who had just grounded their child. 

“What are you doing here? You can’t possibly be here,” Oikawa stammered, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

“I can’t possibly miss my best friend's birthday now, can I? Plus, considering how your knee is acting up, I’d say I came just in time,” the figure smirked as he approached Oikawa. 

Even before the shadowy figure had stepped foot into the gymnasium light, Oikawa knew it in his heart who the stranger was.

“Hajime, is that really you?” Oikawa croaked as he looked longingly at the man he had not seen in two years. 

“Yeah, it’s me dumbass,” Iwaizumi mumbled apologetically, scratching the back of his head momentarily before slipping his hands back into the front pockets of his jeans.

“Now will you stop moping around on your birthday and actually take care of yourself. I thought you pinky promised me that you’d never overwork yourself again.”

“Well, that was when you were actually here,” Oikawa spat out begrudgingly. But he didn’t mean to direct that resentment to Iwaizumi- he had never and would never resent him for anything. Five seconds of painful silence sat densely in the air around him, filling his lungs with gut-wrenching guilt. 

Iwaizumi smiled wearily and forced a chuckle. “Well, I am here now. So if you wanna go, let’s go out tonight. Have some fun, let loose… while the night is young?”

Hesitantly, Oikawa nodded but gave Iwaizumi a smile he hadn’t worn in a while now- a small but genuine smile reserved only for his best friend to see.

+++

_I sit in the vacuum you left behind_

On his way home, Oikawa stopped by the FamilyMart near his apartment. In his shopping basket, he picked out two ready meals of katsu curry and a medium-sized milk cake. His hands hovered hesitantly over the agedashi tofu when he heard an excitable greeting coming from behind him. 

“Grand King!!! Is that you?”

“Oh hey Chibi-chan, I didn’t see you there.”

“Happy Birthday, Gra.. Senpai! What are you doing here so late? Oh, practising. Of course! You have a big game against the Schweiden Adlers next week right?” The spunky orange-headed ball of energy interrogated in rapid-fire, with his head tilted as if to exaggerate his eagerness. 

Oikawa fumbled with the container of tofu intuitively, raising it methodically to signal his reply. 

“Yeah, big game next week. For now, I'm just getting Iwa-chan’s favourite food for dinner,” he said, feigning excitement as he tried to ignore the constipated solemnity which immediately drained Hinata’s face of any colour. 

“He loved agedashi tofu?” Hinata stammered for a save. To which, he was spared as Oikawa simply nodded in response.

With that, they parted ways after a round of animated goodbyes- tinged with an unspoken awkwardness. Oikawa bagged his dinner and a box of agedashi tofu he didn’t intend on getting in the first place. 

+++

_Every word you said hangs like an unfinished rhyme_

As the microwave beeped in the background, Oikawa - now having slipped into a comfortable alien onesie ( another one of Iwaizumi’s birthday gifts ) - switched his television on and started playing his specially curated birthday DVD. Titled “ **The birth of Oikawa the Great** ”, it consisted a birthday montage capturing his special moments, from his first birthday to his first match in a competitive volleyball game to the last episode of X-files which Oikawa watched. It was a scrapbook of sorts; he added new “chapters” of his life annually to recap on his favourite moments in the past year.

_“What’s with this DVD?”_

_“Well, Iwa-chan, since you’re clearly dying to know, I’ll graciously indulge your curiosity.”_

_This was immediately met with a scoff and an exasperated “forget I asked”. But once Oikawa got into the zone, there was no stopping him._

_“Since I’m going to be a world-famous setter after I graduate, this mega load of video footage is gonna be material for my biographer. I don’t want him to miss anything out. There are vids from our first game at Kitagawa Daiichi. Oh, and remember the cake-face incident of ‘08, that’s in there too. You’re lucky you’re featured in so many of my vids…”_

_“You’re lucky I tolerate you enough to be in your shitty videos, to begin with.”_

_Oikawa stuck his tongue out in retaliation._

  
  


The X-files episodes were a recent addition to the playlist. Besides being one of his favourite shows (yes, his biographer had to note that down), it was part of an important tradition he and Iwaizumi shared. What started out as stargazing and alien-searching when they were nine (the start of Oikawa’s obsession with extra-terrestrial lifeforms) adapted into binging sprees of alien documentaries as both their schedules became busier. They couldn’t afford to drive out and spend a whole day at an open camping spot as they used to. So instead, they filled Oikawa’s birthday night with hours of Sci-Fi films until they both dozed off to sleep midway through their binge. And in return, they’d do the same thing for Iwaizumi’s birthday but instead with Godzilla films. They promised each other that neither of them would watch anything new without the other. And it was a promise they both kept. 

With one hand gripping onto the large bowl of steaming katsu curry (two servings combined into one) and the other cupping a glass of warm milk tea, Oikawa settled into his nest of blankets on the couch. Wrapping himself up cosily like a warm burrito, he rested against the armrest as he folded himself in a semi-fetal position - knees huddled close to his chest. The bright screen of his tv glares in contrast to his dim surroundings but while his eyes are fixed onto the screen, his mind began to wander. He was ending his 26th birthday off with a ready-made meal from FamilyMart- though delicious, it was admittedly quite a pathetic sight. He was alone in his dark apartment, rewatching the same X-files episode he had watched for the past two years. In his fridge sat a lone box of agedashi tofu.

A pang of sleepiness hit as he devoured the last spoon of rice. The clock struck 10.45 pm then came a ring. A shrill beep pierced through the drowsy atmosphere of the living room and suddenly Oikawa was awakened. His worried eyes were transfixed by the lit-up screen across the living room. He sat there, on his couch, rooted to his seat.

Every ring that echoed perched onto the muffled silence in Oikawa’s mind. Should he answer it? The screen showed an unknown caller ID but Oikawa was the kind of person who saved every contact he had with endearing emojis; Hanamaki was a flower (a play on his name) while Kuroo was obviously a cat because of his feline mannerisms. It goes without saying that Iwaizumi’s number was saved with a Godzilla emoji next to a peace sign. 

The phone rang. And Oikawa sat there motionless. 

+++

_I sift through each phrase for an ember_

_two years ago_

It was the night of his 24th birthday. The last of his guests had just left his tiny apartment as the clock struck 8.30 in the evening in Argentina. Wow, what a wild night! A young bachelor in his early twenties ending his party before midnight strikes… how revolutionary! But Oikawa had a perfectly valid reason for his shenanigans (or lack thereof). 

He started cleaning his apartment- poking around at the bits and pieces of neglected belongings that his party guests left behind. The first call of action he took was to conquer the army of party food sluggishly staggered in columns across his kitchen counter-top. Eyeing down his main contender, a box of uneaten Fugazzeta- molten cheese awaiting to burst out of its doughy trappings, Oikawa’s brows quirked in a battle-ready front.

“There is nothing impossible to him who will try,” Oikawa quoted as he steeled himself, like Alexander the Great before his next battle. In one fell swoop, he grabbed the thickest slice of Fugazzeta and proceeded to shove it into his mouth with the vigour of a thousand warriors. At that moment, the phone began to ring.

“Ihwahan, surp?” Oikawa said, mouth full of cheese and onions. 

“Dumbass, chew your food before speaking,” Iwaizumi joshed. “Anyways, I might be a bit late for tonight’s screening. The post office closes at five over here in California, so I have around thirty-ish minutes to make it in time to send you your present.”

“Awww, almost forgot to ship it off again?” Oikawa pouted, child-like.

“How could I forget after the last time? You wouldn’t stop pestering me for a gift even though I flew all the way to Argentina to throw you a surprise party,” Iwaizumi replied without missing a beat but it was followed by a chuckle. “I think I outdid myself this time. The tailor just finished altering the gift and I just picked it up. I’m going to start driving so I’ll call you once I’m home, yeah?”

Oo, a tailor-made suit? Or maybe, just maybe, it was the vampire cosplay he’s always wanted. Intrigued, Oikawa hummed in response.

“Aight. See ya later, alligator.”

For the next 30 minutes, the battle ensued. It was Oikawa the Great against the army of clutter. Raising his mighty broom and dustpan, he channelled the spirit of Ares and charged forward. First, an ambush. The scatter of litter on the floor stood no chance against the quick swoop of the broom. In one succinct sweep, his floor was cleared of the filth that was strewn across his wooden floors. Victory!

Next, he eyed the empty bottles of Cerveza Quilmes rolling across the entrance of his apartment mockingly, barricading his sole path to the outside world. Its sickeningly sweet scent briefly intoxicated him into temporary paralysis. Snap out of it, Oikawa! He looked around for a defence. There! Tucked haphazardly under his UFO-shaped bin- a net of ensnarement. With his trusty recycling bags, he quickly captured the pesky glass bottles which no longer blocked his path. Oikawa was not to be conquered!

Finally, he brought his attention back to his undefeated enemy. The box of unfinished Fugazzeta sat there maliciously on the counter table, gloating about its invincibility. 

“You can’t possibly finish me in one seating”, mocked the doughy contender. 

“Well, I wouldn't be so sure about that...”

Suddenly, the phone rang. As his screen lit up amidst the first ring, Oikawa jumped, eating his words in shock. He wasn’t expecting Iwaizumi to call so soon. It was barely past 9 pm. 

With the second ring, he glanced over to the screen. No emoji. In fact, it was an unknown caller ID.

On the third, Oikawa bit his lip pensively. On any other day, at any other time, he would have answered an unknown call without much further thought. But this call felt off. He couldn’t put his finger on it but there was an eerie feeling behind this call. Oikawa felt it in his gut.

“To the strongest!” Oikawa quoted once more, emulating the Great King. And at the last second, as the third ring began to die out, he hesitantly brought the phone to his ear.

On the night of Oikawa’s 24th birthday, the phone rang three times before Oikawa answered it.

“Hello?”

“Good evening, I am Officer Jones. Are you Mr Oikawa Tooru, Mr Iwaizumi Hajime’s emergency contact?”

“y..Yes?”

“I am so sorry to have to inform you in this manner but I bear some very bad news…”

  
  


+++

_Your words to me echo_

_Present Day_

“Hello?”

“Hi! This is Sara from Shiratori Inc. I’m calling to speak to you about our innovative new product: th”

Oikawa’s thumb firmly printed itself onto the end call button. Slamming his phone onto the cold marbled kitchen counter, he fell into a stifling silence. He could feel himself trembling- his weak knee caving from the pressures of his uneven breathing, from the weight of his heart plummeting to his stomach. Dead knots formed in his guts. Oikawa felt sick. Anger and grief curled hot within him, like a scorching inferno that burned him from the inside out.

The phone rang again. With eyes shaded by a deathly cloud, he answered.

“No! I DON’T WANT YOUR STUPID JUNK!” Oikawa spat out.

“Tooru… are you okay, my darling?”

“I.. uh… Mom? ” A wave of numbing relief washed over him as his jaw unclenched. “It’s been a long day since you called this morning. I’m sorry... What can I help you with?”

There was a moment of silence on the other line. Then, came a rather loud and disconcerting sigh before an answer revealed itself.

“H..Hajime’s cousin just dropped by with a large box meant for you. I don’t know what’s in it except that it was packed by...”

The last part of that sentence fell deaf on Oikawa’s ears. All he could think about was the fact that Iwaizumi’s cousin came by with a box of stuff. A box of Iwaizumi’s memories. A box of items from Iwaizumi’s lifetime. This box most definitely stored some of Oikawa’s own precious past in it too.

He looked around his barren apartment- devoid of personality. White walls, two fake potted plants framing his 40-inch flatscreen. Staples of a showroom-perfect apartment. But nothing within the confines of the tiny studio flat would suggest any sign of life residing in it. Even the kitchen was commercially clean; pots and pans were vigorously scrubbed spotless after use that they were seemingly in mint condition. There weren't any photos hung on his bare walls, nor were there any souvenir magnets on his fridge. The only things that could possibly tie Oikawa to his apartment were the alien water bottle he leaves lying around on his dining table, the chunky teal noise-cancelling headphones he had used since junior high and the seasonal appearance of the guitar he had neglected to play since moving back from Argentina. 

If Oikawa had to suddenly pack up and move, he’d only have a single box of personal belongings and a suitcase of clothes to his name. His apartment was not truly his at all. 

And he planned it that way two years ago. After the loss of his best friend on the night of his 24th birthday, Oikawa packed up his life in Argentina and moved back to Japan. He left most of the life he had known with Iwaizumi in Miyagi- packed neatly away in his childhood bedroom which he had not stepped foot in since. With a suitcase in hand, he left his past in Miyagi and moved to Tokyo.

But two years had passed. His white walls and barren room felt claustrophobic, hostile even. In the day, he would train tirelessly for the Tachibana Red Falcons. On most, the moon kept him company while he practised. It was only when his right knee gave out that he would retreat back into this unfriendly place. Making a beeline to his bedroom, he would succumb to a day's worth of exhaustion, occasionally passing out sweaty on his twin-sized bed. And the cycle would repeat itself. 

To be honest, Oikawa was starting to miss the homeliness of his old apartment. His teal-coloured walls were decked out with posters and framed jerseys. His fridge wore the most bizarre magnetized decorations- 3 customised photo-magnets of him with his friends surfing the Californian waves, 4 eccentric looking aliens- one of which posed with a peace sign, a volleyball rocking a pair of shades. A pokeball lamp sat on his bedside table next to a framed photograph of him and his family and another of him and Iwaizumi on a rollercoaster ride in Tokyo Disneyland after their elementary school graduation.

It was in his moments of utter loneliness that he found himself staring longingly at his white barren walls. And once again, his eyes bored intensely into the unblemished, uncoloured wall across him.

“So? What are you waiting for?” 

This voice- it wasn’t his mom’s.

Oikawa turned his head back to his couch where he was faced by Iwaizumi. He was now in a Godzilla onesie much like the alien one Oikawa was dressed in. He sat at the ledge of the couch, feet purposefully dangling off the floor- just like he used to in the comfort of his own home. 

“I’ve been waiting for you,” Oikawa answered honestly- without a hint of despair or spite. “I’ve been waiting for you for such a long time now.” 

Iwaizumi’s expression did not change. The perplexity in his brows remained, buried deep within the furrows. “Hmm, so what’s stopping you now? Let’s go home.”

“Home…?” Oikawa stuttered. He initially did not register what Iwaizumi had meant. But after momentarily glancing at the potted Petunias sitting by the television behind Iwaizumi, he swallowed his realisation. A call to go home rang between his ears and it rang louder and louder by the minute.

"Yeah, ok umm. I’ll meet you there."

“And I’ll be waiting,” Iwaizumi smiled in response. 

Oikawa nodded with a fierce determination. Turning his attention back to his phone, he told his mother that he was going home.

**Author's Note:**

> I JUST REALIZED I WROTE ALL OF THIS CUZ I COULDN'T FATHOM THE THOUGHT OF IWAOI NOT BEING TOGETHER. also, I'm currently trying to finish writing this by next week and edit by the week after. please bear with me. If you like this, please leave a comment and or a kudo, I'd really appreciate that. Also, this is much angst because haikyuu ended and I'm grieving. 
> 
> // if you're familiar with the musical The Mad Ones, welp that's where I got my inspiration from BUT IT IS VASTLY DIFFERENT SO hopefully you'd like it just as much. IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THE MAD ONES IS, DONT MIND IT #nospoilersgang.


End file.
